"When I write..." I, usually don't have to think about the story before I type it. Most of the time it plays out in my head, subconsciously I guess, and by the time my fingers type it, the plot is worked out. I do plan extensively first so this may be the reason why I don't have to plan while I'm actually writing. But sometimes little stuff I mention without thinking about it becomes big stuff that really adds to the story.
For example, a short story I wrote back in eighth grade about a family of run away slaves. The story isn't very good but there was one little part of it that I really liked then and am still pleased with now. The baby sister couldn't talk much yet and the only word she knew was "free". She said it often and I used this as a motivation to keep the family running.
Usually, I'm very pleased with my writing at the time. But sometimes later when I look back on it it's sort of painful to read. But the more you write obviously the better you get. I just don't have the discipline to write consistently.
I tried to make up a schedule. Nothing too set in stone and it wasn't a huge goal either. Just two pages of my novel a week, figuring I could stay on track with that. But I got behind and when that happens I tend to just shut down. So now what I really need to do is to get back on my schedule and not think about it like I'm 15 pages behind.
I also prefer to write when I feel really imaginative or motivated and this comes back to bite me because I don't feel like that often. You would think that if writing is what I want to do with my life that I would spend every spare minute working on it. I don't why that isn't what I do. I just don't have the dedication I guess.
Sometimes I think that my writing is the best when I'm already really emotional. So when I have a fight with someone; for example, I will write then and channel those emotions into my story, flipping around the argument so that it makes sense in the plot. And while this works, that can't be the only time I write obviously because I'm behind.
So I'm going to go back to two pages a week. Just so long as I'm writing something and staying on track with my novel. If I ever want to get published, I have to finish writing it first. I have to find the proper amount of dedication somewhere and put it to use. Because sitting around waiting for inspiration isn't going to get me very far at all.
Also when I write I lose concept of the world around me. It's the one thing that can distract me completely. Again, you would think that if it posed so much distraction from life that I would do it constantly. But lately I haven't wanted to be distracted from my life.
To My "Watcher at the Gates" (The Internal Critic):
I appreciate your help immediately after I've written something because right then you are always incredibly pleased with my work. It's after the work sits for awhile that you get really snippy. If you could give me some more rope, to look back on my old work and grow from it rather than smack my head against a wall for the writer I used to be, I think we would get along better. There was a short story I submitted into a contest a year or so ago and I've been terrified of going back and reading what I've written because I know I'll find parts I don't like anymore and then I'll be upset with myself for entering a mediocre story into a contest.
But the fact is, that is the best writing I could do then and the fact that you are so critical of my old work shows that you and I are getting better or you wouldn't notice that my old work is bad because you wouldn't be able to compare it to my new work. So I suppose you are doing a pretty decent job of editing my work.
Also please do not use the word "behind". When I'm told that I'm behind in my schedule, I protest by getting even further behind. So don't chide me with that. Tell me I should try harder to write more often. That might just keep me going. Then you and I will be great friends.
The more often bit is a really big problem by the way. Don't hold me back from writing consistently.
Yours Truly,
Alissa
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